In over a dozen years as a stress consultant, the most pervasive and
destructive mental tendencies I've seen is that of focusing on what we
want instead of what we have. It doesn't seem to make any difference how
much we have; we just keep expanding our list of desires, which
guarantees we will remain dissatisfied. The mind-set that says
"I'll be happy when this desire is fulfilled" is the same
mind-set that will repeat itself once that desire is met. A friend of
ours closed escrow on his new home on a Sunday. The very next time we
saw him he was talking about his next house that was going to be even
bigger. He isn't alone. Most of us do the very same thing. We want this
or that. If we don't get what we want, we keep thinking about all that
we don't have — and we remain dissatisfied. If we do get what we want,
we simply recreate the same thinking in our new circumstances. So,
despite getting what we want, we still remain unhappy. Happiness can't
be found when we are yearning for new desires.
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This passage by a stress consultant highlights a common destructive mindset: fixating on desires rather than what one already has. No matter how much people gain, their wants expand, leading to constant dissatisfaction. A friend’s example—wanting a bigger house right after buying a new one—illustrates this cycle: unmet desires breed discontent, and fulfilled ones just spark new cravings. The author argues happiness lies in shifting focus to gratitude for what we possess, not endless yearning for more. This simple mindset shift is presented as the key to breaking the cycle of unhappiness
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