I am acquainted with a very opulent man, whose house is a palace, whose
table is regal, whose outlays are enormous, yet a man who has no income,
as I have often noticed by the revenue returns; and to him I went for
advice in my distress. He took my dreadful exhibition of receipts, he
put on his glasses, he took his pen, and presto! —I was a pauper! It was
the neatest thing that ever was. He did it simply by deftly manipulating
the bill of “DEDUCTIONS.” He set down my “State, national, and municipal
taxes” at so much; my “losses by shipwreck; fire, etc.,” at so much; my
“losses on sales of real estate” —on “live stock sold” —on “payments for
rent of homestead” —on “repairs, improvements, interest” —on “previously
taxed salary as an officer of the United States army, navy, revenue
service,” and other things. He got astonishing “deductions” out of each
and every one of these matters—each and every one of them. And when he
was done he handed me the paper, and I saw at a glance that during the
year my income, in the way of profits, had been one thousand two hundred
and fifty dollars and forty cents.
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