the feeling

The author describes a girl who is in a state of excitement. Because she wanted to go to Arabi, he went to Arabi's records, but did not give her anything as promised. At the same time, he also emphasized the importance of the author's intention to express his promise when his uncle forgot and promised to go to Arabi? At the end of the chapter, the author mentions that he is a pitiful creature driven and fooled by vanity, feeling pain and anger. At the beginning, I didn't understand the pain and anger at the author's end. Was the pain because I didn't have enough money and pretended to be in a department store? Is hypocrisy also a result? When I thought about it again later, I found that the author's pain may be due to her own expectations for love but her own promises were not fulfilled. Anger is an expression of others not fulfilling their promises to her. A poor woman with beautiful memories of her childhood, gradually endowed with responsibility and obligation by the changes in life. When describing this sentence, I suddenly realized that the environment that crushed her was not towards a vicious cycle, but rather a lack of independent personal consciousness - a story of evading a positive solution to a problem and leading to tragedy. Full of expectations for the bright future, but lacking personal acquisition ability, blindly relying on emotions. The father's displeasure, violent treatment, threat and negation in the original sound family, his commitment to his mother, his sense of responsibility to his siblings, and the tragic image of his mother sacrificing everything in ordinary life but going crazy at the end all make the dawn brought by his boyfriend forced into shadow. At the last moment of making a choice, her resistance to stress was too weak, leading to physical discomfort. At the critical moment of stepping on the dock, I isolated myself from the only redemption in life.