Thoughts on Monogamy

After reading The Spirit of the Chinese People, I was moved deeply. As I see it, the author explained the spirit of the Chinese people perfectly. However, I disagree with Mr Ku on some points, especially those concerning the Chinese woman. In the following, I would like to show my views about the Chinese woman. 

The Chinese woman is described by Mr Ku as chaste and bashful, attractive and debonair. They aren’t the Madonna or the Muses who are very good to hang up as pictures in one's room , but poor in cleaning the house; instead, they are strong and industrious, and have the ability of “going up the hall and down the kitchen”. They follow the Three Obediences and Four Virtues, spending the whole life in the role of good daughter, good wife and good mother. The author also said: “ The Chinese woman is the Guardian Angel of the miniature Heaven, the Home in China. ” The Chinese feminine ideal is also described in the following poem:

The birds are calling in the air,—

An islet by the river—side;

The maid is meek and debonair,

Oh! Fit to be our Prince' s bride.

（关关雎鸠，在河之洲。窈窕淑女，君子好逑。）

which represents the quiet and beautiful image of Chinese woman.

 However, what I see more is the miserable fate of the ancient Chinese woman. The writer praised the selflessness of the Chinese woman, “ which makes concubinage not only possible in China, but also not immoral ” .  But as a modern woman, I disagree with him partly. No one can use others as a tool, and no woman would like to share her husband with another woman. The so-called “selflessness of the Chinese woman” is the helplessness under the feudal oppression or the men’s high-sounding excuse. The writer explained that men do their duty for their families, their monarch, their country and even give their lives; thus, women should make some sacrifices. Alhough it makes sense in ancient China, some people only have one wife for a lifetime. Here, I want to tell the story of Du Fu and his wife.

 

In the Tang dynasty, it is common that men have three wives and four concubines . Many famous people continue to make merry.  However, there are exceptions, and Du Fu was one. The only woman he loved is his wife. His wife, an ordinary government lady, is clever and modest. After they married, she often accompanied Du Fu and patiently checked his articles to see if there are any errors, which delighted Du Fu enormously.  

Unfortunately, the happy time didn’t last long. After Du Fu’s father died, the family fell into great decline and they became poor. And his wife as an official delicate lady, wearing ragged clothes, began to do hard work, and farming to support the whole family. Afterwards, “Anshi Turmoil” happened and they were separated during the war. It was during this period that Du Fu wrote many poems to express his yearning for his wife. For example:  

Alone in your bed-chamber you would gaze tonight,

At the full moon which over Fuzhou shines so bright.

Far off, I feel grieved to think of our children dear,

Too young to yearn for their father in Changan here.

Your fragrant cloud-like hair is wet with dew,it seems;

        Your jade-white arms would feel the cold of clear moonbeams.

When can we lean by the window screen side by side,

     Watching the moon with tears wiped away and eyes dried?

（今夜鄜州月，闺中只独看。遥怜小儿女，未解忆长安。

香雾云鬓湿，清辉玉臂寒。何时倚虚幌，双照泪痕干？）

Apparently, how much Du Fu loved his wife! Although they always separated more, it doesn’t affect the deep feelings towards each other ; although their life was hard, at least Du Fu was devoted to his wife.And as far as I am concerned, Du Fu and his wife represent the model for married couples in ancient China!

All in all, what I see most in the book is the misery of the Chinese woman. Since the woman gets married, gone are the days of carefree living. She is no longer innocent and enthusiastic, learning all kinds of tricks to make pretense, not readily to trust others. For people and things, they were on guard. At the same time, they need to raise their children, and do housework. If her husband has a new woman, whatever the reasons are, however tolerate she is, she will get upset. 

Therefore, why a individual has only one during their lifetime? I’d like to believe in monogamy.