必学！和老板处好的11个秘诀

In my work, I do a fair amount of executive coaching for senior leaders in the Asia-Pacific region. One of the first questions I like to ask is “how is your relationship with your boss?” Many people I work with aren’t sure whether to laugh or cry when they hear this question! Typically I hear things like this:

我在工作中为亚太区企业高层在管理方面提供了相当数量的指导。首先，我会问他们一些问题，其中一个问题是：“你和老板的关系怎么样？”听到这个问题后，很多人都不知道应该哭还是应该笑。通常，我会得到这样一些答案：

• My boss…never has time for me and seldom really listens to my perspective.

• 我的老板……从来都没有给过我时间，也几乎没有真正听过我的想法。

• Um…my boss, just tells me what to do, expects miracles and has a low tolerance for mistakes. I don’t trust him very much.

• 嗯……我的老板只会告诉我要做什么，然后就等着出现奇迹，对失误的容忍度很低。我不是非常信任他。

• The boss…is always right, and the Emperor of course is fully clothed at all times. If I bring him the truth, he shoots the messenger. Why bother?

• 老板……总是对的，国王当然总是穿着衣服的嘛。谁告诉他真相，他就会开枪打死谁。干嘛要自寻烦恼？

• My boss…cares nothing for me as a person. I’m just a donkey to do his dirty work.

• 我的老板……从不把我当人看。我就是一头给他干脏活的驴子。

• The less I interact with my boss the happier I am.

• 跟老板接触的越少，我就越快乐。

Oh my. And these are people who have engaged my services to help build a better career, achieve their dreams and so on. So, most often, we start by developing their “Managing Up” muscles. Because, in truth, no matter how bad you think your boss is, they are all human, have their weaknesses and blind spots and it IS possible to build a better working relationship with most of them. If not, well, we can always “vote with our feet” as many people do. In fact more than 80% of people leaving organizations cite “my boss” as the main reason for leaving. Bosses…take heed!

天啊。我服务的这些人都是为了让我帮他们构建更好的职业生涯，或者实现梦想什么的。因此，在很多情况下，我的第一项工作都是让他们获得“向上管理”能力。原因是，说真的，无论你们认为自己的老板有多差劲，他们也都是人，都有弱点和盲点，而且对大多数老板来说，下属都有可能跟他们建立更好的工作关系。如果不行，那我们也总是可以“用脚投票”，就像许多人做的那样。实际上，80%以上的离职人员都说“老板”是他们离去的主要原因。老板们要注意啦！

So here are my “11 Secrets” of Managing Up. It’s a two-way street so please take a moment to consider what YOU can do to influence your relationship with the boss.

下面是我的向上管理“11条秘诀”。上下级关系是双向的，因此请花一点儿时间来考虑一下，你们可以通过什么样的做法来影响自己和老板的关系。

1. Supervisors are Human Beings. Yes, it’s true. They are very human and they have all the strengths and weaknesses that you do. They have emotions, stress, responsibilities, families, worries, concerns and so on. They get busy, make mistakes, don’t always see clearly, aren’t always skillful in everything and do always see things the way others do. Welcome to Earth! So, always treat them to your best understanding, give them the benefit of the doubt, forgive them when needed and support them in any way you can. Helping your supervisor be successful is one of the most effective strategies for Managing Up. Start by “humanizing” your boss and seeing them as a worthwhile partner. Isn’t that what you want them to do for you?

1.上级是人。没错，千真万确。他们绝对是人，而且和你们一样有长处也有弱点。他们有情感，有压力，有责任，有家庭，有顾虑，该有的都有。他们会很忙，会犯错误，并不总是能看清问题，也不会对什么都能熟练驾驭，而且他们看问题的角度确实也跟别人一样。让我们欢迎他们这些普通人吧。那么，大家就要尽量理解他们，不要轻易对他们下定论，必要的时候要原谅他们，同时尽可能地为他们提供支持。帮助上级取得成功是向上管理的最有效策略之一。首先要把老板“放在人的位置上”，把他们看成有价值的伙伴。你们不也希望老板这么对待你吗？

2. Personal Contracting. All relationships are managed in a framework of personal agreements. When people are in a reporting relationship, maintaining trust is all about having clear agreements and expectations and holding each other accountable for keeping the agreements. Approach your supervisor directly and request to schedule a one-hour “personal contracting” session. Each party then writes down on paper “what they want and don’t want” from the other person in this reporting relationship. Then, exchange papers and negotiate anything that needs to be refined, check for understanding, etc. Afterwards, type up the contract, send it to your supervisor and keep a copy on file. Your personal contract is a “living document” that can be updated whenever needed. This single step has transformed many, many relationships.

2. 订立个人合同。所有关系都受到个人协议框架的制约。人们之间存在上下级关系时，要保持信任，就必须有清晰的协议和预期，而且双方都有责任履行协议。直接去找你的上司，要求预留一小时来“订立个人合同”。在这期间，双方都针对这样的上下级关系把“自己希望对方做什么和不希望对方做什么”写在一张纸上。然后双方把这张纸交换一下，就需要调整的内容进行协商，跟对方确认自己理解无误。接下来，把这份合同打印出来，把它交给你的上司，同时自己也保留一份。这份个人合同并非一成不变，随时都可以根据需要更新。这种简单的做法已经改变了许多上司和下属之间的关系。

3. Being Accountable. We are all accountable to each other for keeping the agreements (promises) we make. Full stop, no exceptions. To be clear: accountability is understood as a two-way street. When there is a breakdown in keeping an agreement, trust is damaged, questions of sincerity arise. So it is very important that in such situations all parties are free to voice their concerns directly and respectfully with those involved. Without this assumption of accountability, trust is threatened and it is difficult to avoid misunderstandings and conflict. So: hold yourself accountable for your promises and let others know when you feel a promise has not been kept. Credibility is always earned, and that includes the boss…they do not get a free pass just because they are more senior.

3. 负责任。上司和下属都有责任履行双方签订的合同（做出的承诺）。就是这样，没有例外。要明确的是，人们都认为负责任是双向的。如果在履行协议时出了问题，信任就会遭到破坏，诚信就会受到质疑。因此，在这样的环境下，各方都可以有礼貌地直接向相关人员提出自己的顾虑，这一点非常重要。如果不以负责任为前提，信任就会受到威胁，误解和矛盾就在所难免。因此，一定要对自己的承诺负责，而且在你们觉得有人没有履行承诺时要让别人知道。信誉是挣来的，老板也是这样……他们不能仅仅因为职位更高就不受约束。

4. Employee’s Bill of Rights. From my supervisor I have a right to expect:

4.员工的权力。员工有权期望上级做到：

• Respect and dignity in each interaction

• 相互接触时尊重对方，让对方有尊严

• Timely feedback, guidance, access

• 及时提供反馈、指导和渠道

• Clear performance goals, updated whenever appropriate

• 明确业绩目标，在恰当的时候予以更新

• Coaching and mentoring in support of my performance goals

• 通过培训和指导为下属实现业绩目标提供支持

• Acknowledgement of a job well done; specific feedback when improvement is needed

• 工作表现好时予以表扬；需要改进时提出具体的反馈意见

• Trust in my ability to perform and take on large responsibilities

• 相信下属有能力开展工作并承担重大责任

• Willingness to listen to my concerns and perspectives

• 愿意倾听下属的顾虑和想法

• Clear time frames and scope of work when delegating

• 分配工作时明确时间表和工作职责

5. Supervisor’s Bill of Rights. From my staff I have a right to expect:

5. 上级的权力。上级有权期望员工做到：

• Respect and dignity in each interaction

• 相互接触时尊重对方，让对方有尊严

• Regular, timely updates on the status of work

• 定期并及时地汇报工作的最新进展

• Continuous progress towards agreed performance goals

• 向双方商定的业绩目标不断迈进

• Willingness to learn new skills, take on challenges and responsibility

• 愿意学习新技能，接受挑战，承担责任

• Openness to feedback, suggestions, guidance

• 虚心接受反馈、意见和指导

• Willingness to be a team-player, always ready to make a difference

• 愿意成为团队中的一员，总是准备有所改进

• Openness to the “big picture” of the business, not merely “tasks”

• 心里放得下公司大局，而不仅仅是各项任务

• Placing clients’ outcomes as the number one priority

• 把客户受到的影响放在第一位

• Always know the objectives and ask “are we getting there?”

• 总是知道目标是什么，并且会问“我们实现目标了吗？”

6. Communicate Proactively. The whole notion of “managing up” relies on using proactive communication effectively. You always have a choice: speak up, or suffer in silence. You may believe your supervisor “should know” what you want or need, but you would be mistaken. As humans, they cannot read minds! People are busy, distracted by a zillion things. So: if you want your voice to be heard its up to you to “speak up.” Speak up:

6. 积极沟通。“向上管理”的整个理念都依赖于有效的积极沟通。你们总是面临这样的选择：要么说出来，要么默默忍受。你们可能觉得，自己的上司“应该知道”你想要什么和需要什么，但这种想法可能不对。他们是人，不会读心术！大家都很忙，都在为许许多多的事情分神。因此，如果想让上司听到你们的声音，就要选择“说出来”，包括：

- as soon as an issue emerges, action is needed, concerns arise

- 出了问题，需要采取行动以及产生疑问时，要立即说出来

- using suitable channels: phone, email, in person, Post-its…whatever works

- 通过恰当的途径，比如打电话，发电子邮件，面谈，写便条……只要管用就行

- specifically, rationally, concisely, persistently, respectfully

- 具体、合理、简洁、坚决、礼貌

Proactive communication is not a “waiting game.” Speak up, take the initiative.

积极沟通不是“拖延战术”。要说出来，要采取主动。

7. Use Frequent Updates. “The world changes” and situations evolve rapidly. Communicate new information and altered circumstances as soon as they emerge in your awareness. Flag any concerns you have, the expected impact, etc., in writing and copy all who may be affected. “Rapid Information Sharing” is one of the hallmarks of a high performing team. Make it a point to always be a part of the solution. If not, you may be perceived as part of the problem. Using frequent updates is essential for the effective coordination of action. Never assume others know what you know: over-communicate.

7. 经常提供最新信息。“世界一直在变”，事态同样变化迅速。只要掌握了新的信息或者发现情况有变，就要立即进行沟通。把你的顾虑以及你认为可能出现的问题统统写下来，同时还要抄送给所有可能受到影响的人。“迅速共享信息”是高效团队的特性之一。要让你的观点成为解决方案的一部分。如果不是这样，别人就可能把你看成问题的一部分。经常提供最新信息是有效协作的关键。绝不要假设你了解的情况已经为别人所知，要反复进行沟通。

8. Make Explicit Requests for Action. When you notice that action or resources are needed that might require approval from your supervisor, make clear, explicit requests for what you feel is required. Avoid vagueness or “beating around the bush” and don’t sit around agonizing about “what if they say no.” Make your request in writing, following the rules of Proactive Communication. Don’t expect an automatic “yes” for every request you make. Instead, view your request as the start of a negotiation, and aim to negotiate for “win-win.” Expect to compromise and to “give and take.” If the request is not approved, accept it gracefully. Choose your battles: not all are worth a fuss! Remember: you are responsible to make your requests “voiced and visible.”

8. 在采取措施方面提出明确要求。如果你发现需要的行动或者资源可能得经过上级批准，就按你的想法清晰而具体地说明需要什么。不要言辞含糊，也不要“拐弯抹角”，也不要干坐着，放任“如果他们不同意该怎么办”的想法困扰自己。遵循积极沟通的原则，书面提交自己的要求。不要指望自己提出的任何要求都会自然而然地得到批准。相反，要把提出要求看成是协商的第一步，同时把“双赢”作为协商的目标。要准备好做出让步，做到“礼尚往来”。如果上级没有同意你提出的要求，就要有风度地予以接受。在和上司争执方面要有所选择，并不是所有的问题都值得大惊小怪。记住，你有责任让自己的要求“既听得见又看得见”。

9. Take Initiative. Not every issue that arises can be instantly resolved by a supervisor. However it’s a rare issue that can’t be resolved over time. When others are busy and you need to take timely action, let them know that “I need a response by X time. If I don’t hear from you I will go ahead with the plan as follows…” If a response doesn’t come, always check to see if the other person received your message! Emails are frequently lost or over-looked. It is most often better to take timely initiative rather and move things ahead, rather than to “suffer in silence” while balls are dropping right and left. Give fair warning and then be prepared to grab the ball and run with it when appropriate.

9. 采取主动。上级不可能马上解决所有问题。不过，不能逐步得到解决的问题也很少。别人都在忙的时候，你需要及时采取行动，让他们知道“我在某个时间点之前需要得到回复，如果得不到回复，我就会按照这样的计划进行……”。如果没有得到回复，就要询问一下别人是否收到了你的信息。电子邮件经常会丢失或者被忽略。及时而主动地采取措施往往好于在工作任务层出不穷时“默默忍受”。要做出明确警示，然后为接受任务并在恰当的时候开展工作做好准备。

10. Track and Report Outcomes. Whenever you complete an action, always inform all concerned parties “this is completed, and this is the outcome that resulted.” You cannot assume that they will know, and in most cases they won’t until you let them know. It is vital that you proactively declare “this task is done as we agreed” so that others are aware of the status. This is in fact one of the most effective ways to gain the trust of your supervisor. They will quickly come to rely on you to track and report the status of work and see you as a competent professional.

10. 追踪结果并进行汇报。不管在什么时候完成了一项任务，都要告知相关各方“这项工作已经完成，结果是什么”。你不能假定他们会知道这些，而且在大多数情况下，你不说他们就不会知道。你要主动表示“这项任务已经按我们协商的结果完成了”，这样其他人就会清楚目前的状况，这一点至关重要。实际上，这是获得上级信任的最有效途径之一。他们会迅速回复你，让你追踪、汇报工作进展；他们还会认为你是一名能干的专业人士。

11. Offer Feedback and Request Feedback. Giving and receiving feedback effectively is another of the key skills of a high-performing team. Having enough mutual respect, trust and rapport is vital for the free-flow of feedback among team members. Feedback allows us, and our supervisors, to make necessary adjustments to policies and behaviors. So if you feel frustrated in a situation you can proactively and respectfully offer feedback. At the very least, you can let your supervisor know the facts of the situation from your perspective, how you feel, and the outcome you want now. Feedback is “the breakfast of champions”---if you want to be a champion, ask for it and offer it frequently when you feel it can make a difference.

11. 提供反馈并且要求别人做出反馈。有效地提供和接收反馈是高效团队的另一项关键能力。足够的相互尊重、信任和默契对团队成员自由进行反馈来说至关重要。通过反馈，下属和上级就能对政策和行为做出必要的调整。因此，如果某种情况让你感到受了挫折，你就可以积极而礼貌进行反馈。至少，你可以让上司知道，从你的角度来看实际情形如何，你的感受如何，以及此时你想要的结果是什么。反馈是“冠军的早餐”——要想出类拔萃，就得要求吃这样的早餐，而且还要经常在你认为可以解决问题时为别人提供这样的早餐。

I can already envision the comments that will follow this article!

我已经可以想到，这篇文章会带来如下评论：

• “It’s fairy-tale material, not practical.”

• “这是童话，不实用。”

• “Idealistic…impossible…who is he kidding?”

• “太理想化了……不可能……这个搞笑的人是谁？”

• “If I tried half of these things, I’d get fired!”

• “只要尝试其中一半的建议，我就会被开除。”

• “He doesn’t understand how the real world works…”

• “他不知道真实世界是怎么运作的……”

So I will pre-empt them by saying the following:

因此，为了堵住他们的嘴，我还要说：

• In life, you never get what you deserve…you only get what you negotiate.

• 人的一生中，你从来不会因为值得而得到……你只能通过争取而得到

• If you declare something uncomfortable as ‘impossible’ then you are stuck in a rut

• 如果你把让自己不安的东西描述为“不可能”，你就是墨守成规

• These “secrets” are what actually work in the real world: if your boss doesn’t treat you this way, don’t let that stop you or decide what is possible for you

• 实际上，这些“秘诀”在真实世界里很有效：要是老板不这么对你，别让自己受到妨碍，或者想一想可能有哪些出路

• If you never take a risk, you never find out what might happen

• 如果从不冒险，就永远不会知道可能会出现什么样的情况

• Rome wasn’t built in a day. Take small steps.

• 冰冻三尺非一日之寒；积跬步以致千里

• Model the behavior you believe in rather than waiting for your turn to be a lousy boss to others.

• 你自己相信的行为，自己要以身作则，不要等着自己也变成别人讨厌的老板

• I have seen this approach work in 90% of cases, and, it takes time and patience.

• 我发现，这套方法在90%的情况下都会起作用。它需要时间，大家要有耐心。