情侣间常犯的7个沟通问题

Being half of a couple can be difficult, even if you’re head-over-heels in love. Communicating with your honey can get touchy, because both of you have different thoughts, opinions, emotions and histories. Check out this list and see what common communication mistakes most couples make, so you can eliminate them from your own relationship.

处对象不是件易事，即便你沉溺爱河无法自拔。爱人间的沟通有时会很敏感，因为两人有着不同的思想、观点、情感和过往。看看这个列表上多数情侣常犯的沟通问题，以便在恋爱时引以为鉴。

1. Assuming that more communication is the solution.

认为说得多就能解决问题

Believe it or not, there is such thing as too much communication. Have you ever discussed or argued your point so much that you start saying everything that comes to mind? Sometimes those things that come to mind aren’t the best to come from your mouth… But this happens because you’re talking so much that you’re saying things just to hold your own in the conversation. This is how you know you’re communicating too much. Sometimes you need to keep things to yourself, and while this doesn’t mean hiding things from your partner, it means picking your words carefully and saying just what needs to be said to resolve the issue at hand.

无论你信不信，话太多就是个问题。你有没有过多地为你的观点而讨论或争执，以至于什么事都随着性子说？有时心里想的并非就是最适合表达出来的...但往往这就因为你的话太多，所以才会在为自己据理力争时说错话。这个就是沟通超出范围的表现。有时你需要有所保留，但并不意味着要你瞒着另一半，而是指在处理手头之事时仔细斟酌你的话，只需说出能解决问题的就行。

2. Expecting your partner to read your mind.

期望对方读懂你的想法

You don’t want to communicate too much, but you also don’t want to bite your tongue and expect your partner to know what you’re thinking. If you’re waiting for someone to read your mind, you’re never going to feel like an equal in the relationship. You need to say what you’re thinking and feeling, just make sure your partner understands that these are your emotions and opinions, not something you’re forcing on them.

你不愿意过多交流，但你也不要只字不提就指望对方懂你的想法。若你只等待别人来懂你，那你将永远感受不到恋爱时的平等。所以你需要将你所想、所感表达出来，让对方能够理解你的情感和观点，而不是强迫对方接受。

3. Giving in without saying what you think.

什么都不说就放弃

Don’t roll over and give up everything you’re thinking just to resolve the problem at hand. Your partner can’t win every time, and you need to make sure you’re letting your feelings be known and getting what you need from the relationship, too. If you never say what you think because you’re trying to keep the peace, you’ll find that over time you’re actually holding a grudge and resenting your partner because you’re unhappy in the relationship.

在处理问题的时候，不要拖沓，也不要放弃表达想法。你的爱人不会每次都能猜透你，所以你需要确定对方知道你的感受，同时你也要从恋爱中得到你想要的。如果只为了和平就掩埋了你的想法，久而久之你就会觉得自己充满怨恨并厌恶对方，因为你在恋爱中不快乐。

4. Harping on hopeless issues.

对无望之事喋喋不休

It’s easy to bring up fights from the past, or nag your partner for things in their history, or things they believe or do differently from you. This is always a bad choice, though. It changes nothing, and it makes you look like you’re never going to let anything go. Be the type of person who can get over a fight when it’s resolved, and not bring it up in each fight that follows. “Live in the moment” sounds like silly advice when you’re in the middle of an argument, but it’s something that needs to be done so you’re not prolonging every fight you have.

过去的事能够轻而易举引发争吵，而对方的曾经或他们与你背道而驰的行为想法也会让你碎碎念。这同样是个愚蠢的表现。唠叨无济于事，这只会显得你对一切都无法释怀。要做这样的人，不为已了之事烦忧，亦不为未了之事忧愁。当你们争得面红耳赤时，“活在当下”听起来蠢透了，但这是需要践行的，唯有这样争吵才不会愈演愈烈。

5. Not understanding what is really being said.

不明白对方真正表达的意思

Some couples find it helpful to summarize each others’ points. Sounds like something you’d do for a high school paper, right? It’s actually a really good way to make sure you understand each other! After your partner shares their thoughts, summarize by saying “It sounds like you’re happy with X, but need Y to change to feel like the relationship is moving forward.” Your partner can then clarify if needed. If you got it right, then you can start explaining your thoughts on the issue.

有情侣发现总结对方的观点能起到作用。听起来像是在做高中作业，对吧？但这真的是明白对方的好方法！每当对方分享了他们的想法时，你可以这样总结“听起来你对X很满意，而Y就需要为增进感情改变一下了。”如果需要的话，你的爱人就会具体说明了。要是你分析对了，那么你也可以就此继续表达你的想法。

6. Thinking about your rebuttal instead of listening.

老想着反驳而不是倾听

It’s ok to admit — most of us go into a fight knowing what points we want to make, how we want the other person to feel, and what we want for “winning”. This is a bad attitude to have, though, because any discussion should have at least two sides to be fair. But when you know exactly what you want to say, you often think about that instead of listening to what the other person is saying. Don’t just focus on the first few words your partner says — listen to their whole statement, take a moment to absorb it, and then think about what you want to say in a return.

承认这点没什么-我们多数人都会为了坚持己见、控制他人感受、“赢得”立场而挑起争吵。这种态度很恶劣，因为每场讨论至少应该有两方参加才算公平。可一旦你清楚知道自己想要表达什么的时候，通常你都会护着那个想法，而非去倾听对方。也不要逮着对方开头的只字片语不放-要倾听他们的全部诉说，再好好地吸收，最后思量着怎样回应。

7. Not considering the other’s point of view.

不考虑对方的观点

Everyone is different, and you know your partner intimately. You know how they think about things, how certain words or situations make them feel. Don’t forget all of this just to win an argument. Take your partner’s feelings, opinions and background into consideration when you communicate. You can sidestep a lot of fights and hurt feelings by being considerate this way.

每个人都不尽相同，而你也熟知爱人的全部。你知道他们看待事情的方式，也知道他们对某些话语和情景的感受。不要只为了赢得争论就将这些遗忘。当你们在交流时，你要考虑到对方的感受、观点以及背景。做到这点，你们就可以免去许多争吵和伤害。